the incurable dreamer

my dreams are my disease, chasing them my only option

Category: downright ridiculous

the sticky side always goes down

There is something wrong with me.

The other day, I was alone with a man in a laundry room, and exuberantly I said to him, ‘I have a really nice rack!’  Well shit, not that kind of rack.  ‘MY EYES ARE UP HERE, PAL!’

A couple of months ago I said to a male colleague, ‘If you add an avocado to your smoothie, it will make it creamy like a dream.’  WHO IN THE ACTUAL HELL SAYS THAT…EVER…TO ANYONE?  Dear Lord, please make it stop.

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my surgeon thinks i’m a whore

So, yesterday I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon, and I am pretty sure he thinks I’m a whore.  I know.  I’m as baffled as you are.  I mean I couldn’t whore my way out of a paper bag.  No seriously, I would fucking die in that bag.

While laying on my back with my feet securely placed in the stirrups, I told him how fabulous I feel compared to two months ago and was thanking him endlessly for giving me my life back.  We were just chatting like a couple of old pals while he was doing his thing down there, and nothing was weird or awkward about it at all.  But then I told him about the two issues I am having, and shit got real weird.

He said that he could see that one of my internal incisions is not healing as well as it should be, so that is why I am experiencing pain.  Then without warning, he stopped what he was doing, looked me square in the eyes and said all mad, ‘You are NOT ready for intercourse.’

Me:

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