the incurable dreamer

my dreams are my disease, chasing them my only option

Category: you might not like what I have to say

the incurable potty mouth

**WARNING ** This post has the potential to offend absolutely everyone.

My name is Tanya.  It has been 17 fucking seconds since I last uttered a swear word.

The other night I was out with my friend, and we were sitting on a patio tucked in amongst other patrons and beautifully arranged hanging baskets, and were talking and drinking as the hot summer sun went down. It was all very picturesque. We ordered another (totally unnecessary) round of drinks, and I have no doubt (so. much. doubt.) that by this point I was talking about something very profound and being exceedingly clever (I so wasn’t). But as I was sharing my wisdom with her, I suddenly became acutely aware of all the fucks that were rolling off my tongue, and stopped mid-sentence, looked at her and said, ‘I swear a lot.’ She looked at me with a look of duh-you-totally-do-dummy, and said, ‘Yeah, you do!’  But then just as quickly, looking utterly perplexed she said, ‘Why the fuck wouldn’t you swear? It’s super fun.’  For so many reasons we are friends, but right then, at that moment, I knew exactly why we are. She not only helped me feel better about my untamed potty mouth, but she made me laugh.

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we aren’t meryl, but we are still significant

There is nothing more Meryl Streep needs to do to cement her legacy as one of the greatest actresses of her generation, or any for that matter – she is a goddess. But last night she catapulted herself into the stratosphere and will be immortalized not only as the brightest star ever to shine but as a hero. Standing in front of her peers, and millions of people watching at home, with conviction, grace, and courage gave a speech for the ages about inclusion and protection of freedoms. The strength she must have had to muster, I can only imagine.

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i am a girl, and i like girls


When I was 6, I wanted to give all my Halloween candy to my babysitter. I liked her…a lot. When I was 8, my boyfriend carved me a dog out of soap, and I was convinced we were going to get married. The like I had in my heart for him, though, quickly faded the first time he took me home for lunch, and I met his mom. She had me at grilled cheese. She was a gentle soul, and I was immediately smitten. Thinking about those Grade 3 lunch hour meals makes me smile, even to this day.

These are my first memories of having a crush on a girl. And yes, I am a girl.

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this is not a political post, it is about human decency


I just took my fourth 400mg Advil of the day – to the detriment of my liver and kidneys – in an attempt to kill the non-alcoholic hangover I have been nursing all day. My body feels like it endured a bender of cold pints and irresponsibility, but the only thing I had too much of last night was Wolf Blitzer and leftover Halloween candy, which I stress ate to keep my panic and anxiety in check.

When it became evident, my worst fear was coming to fruition, I attempted to sleep, but disbelief and full-on panic allowed only short intervals of restless unconsciousness. I woke this morning feeling nauseous, fatigued and utterly disheartened by the improbable success of a candidate who has been incapable of showing any evidence of human decency. The newly elected President of the United States of America proudly boasted about his full-access pass to any pussy he wants, simply because he is famous and can grab whichever one he wants. Of course, his disdain for women without big tits or a face worthy of his attention significantly narrows the pool of pussies he will grab (he is very particular about the women he sexually assaults, apparently). Trump standard women, though, beware – soon this predator will hold the most powerful office in the world – protect yourselves accordingly. The discovery of his demeaning treatment of women, however, was merely a newly added course to the meal of bigotry, intolerance, and hate he has been dishing out for months.

Surely, I was not alone today in wondering what the fuck is going on.

As the day went on, I sought to understand and process how a nation chose this man, this grotesque excuse for a human being, as its leader. Reasonable explanations allude me, so I have stopped trying to find one.

Instead, I began focussing on my reaction and moving forward because I don’t want to spend the next four years angry. Anger isn’t productive for me, and it isn’t productive for those around me. I need to be a source of inspiration and encouragement, rather than a raging lunatic consumed by disappointment and shock continually talking in circles. I want to contribute positively to the world and help make it one in which we are all proud and welcomed to exist within, so I need to stop trying to figure out the incomprehensible and live in the moment. I need to create great moments.

Tonight, as protests ensue in cities across the United States, I am once again hopeful. My belief is that there is always a silver lining, and I know that in this oppressive mess, one does exist. Minorities, women, and the LGBTQ community are no longer quietly being supported; now they have the support of people who unwilling before, are now willing to march in the streets, loudly proclaiming that intolerance and hate, is not, and will not be tolerated. My hope is that those who are feeling alone, fearful and afraid of what is to come, are tonight finding strength in the unity showing itself across the nation, and the willingness of people to fight for what is right.

Last night was a win for you, Demagogue, but love does trump hate.

Mark my words.

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