the incurable dreamer

my dreams are my disease, chasing them my only option

the sticky side always goes down

There is something wrong with me.

The other day, I was alone with a man in a laundry room, and exuberantly I said to him, ‘I have a really nice rack!’  Well shit, not that kind of rack.  ‘MY EYES ARE UP HERE, PAL!’

A couple of months ago I said to a male colleague, ‘If you add an avocado to your smoothie, it will make it creamy like a dream.’  WHO IN THE ACTUAL HELL SAYS THAT…EVER…TO ANYONE?  Dear Lord, please make it stop.

One time at a Subway restaurant, this nightmare unfolded. To the male sandwich artist behind the counter, I directed this question, ‘How big is a six-inch sub?’ As though he was talking to the thickest person on the planet, appropriately, his response was, ‘Six inches.’ Under his breath, I heard him whisper, ‘You fucking idiot.’  Clearly, he had missed my point, so to prove I wasn’t as stupid as I had just made myself out to be, I began gesturing with my hands my estimation of six inches and asked him if he could show me.  As you would expect, things got super weird, and we both just stood, staring at each other in silence.  Without saying another word, I hightailed it out of there because I had unintentionally taken us to a very dark place and by this point, neither of us were thinking about the same buns and inches I had come in there wanting to put in my mouth for lunch.  When I entered Subway that day, my intention was not to be a dumb pervert; I just wanted a goddamn sub.

SEE?  There is something seriously wrong with me.

It’s not just the things I say; it’s also the things I do that leave me scratching my head.  So often I am astounded by the level of stupidity at which I operate, and wonder how I have managed to live for as long as I have.

At work, I am on the ball.  My boss trusts me to handle big projects and knows I am capable of communicating efficiently with anyone; she just doesn’t have to worry about me.  When shit goes sideways, I figure it out and handle it.  Plus, I work with a great team and have a vast amount of knowledge at my disposal day in and day out.  But the moment I am not focused on work, or am outside of the confines of my office, the hamster in my head screams ‘WHOOPIE’ and begins aimlessly flailing around like a drunken tween.

I am not even sure I should be allowed to go through life unsupervised anymore; me merely being is a hazard.

But this isn’t new. Oh no, I have been hazarding all over the place for years.  Let’s go back in time, shall we?

It’s 1986.  I dare any of you to tell me where on the maxi-pad box it said that the sticky side goes down.  WHERE?  It took me two days to realize that losing skin and whatever hair was down there was not part of the monthly protocol.  What the fuck was this absorption thing I had heard so much about?  When I finally got the idea to put the sticky side down, I may have wept in celebration.  TWO.  WHOLE.  DAYS.

Total head scratcher, right?

It’s 1987.  As I walked down the hallway at school and the cardboard applicator shot out of my vagina like a rocket launch I had the sense that I had done something wrong.  Nobody reads the instructions provided in the Tampax box.  NO. ONE.  I did.  Over and over again.  Despite the hours I spent studying each word, nothing led me to believe that all of the pieces didn’t stay up in there.  Obviously, it was imperative I didn’t drop out of school since the meaning of the word ‘applicator’ hadn’t even tippped me off.  DUH.  When I finally got it, I understood what the commercial was talking about…dammit, I could have ridden a horse if I had wanted to.  Especially after not feeling like I was being stabbed every time I sat down.  There are few things I view as the greatest invention ever, but tampons, when used correctly, are one of them.

Some of you right now are probably wondering what the hell you just read.  Perhaps you are even regretting what you can never unread; I get it, you didn’t ask to read about the improper use of pads and tampons.  But you’re welcome, anyway.

Here is my takeaway.

Life is hard.  We are forced to navigate a barrage of negativity on a daily basis and throughout the years, are expected to keep smiling when our hearts are crippled by pain, loss, and excruciating heartbreak.  This I know all too well.  It’s hard to keep moving forward and to keep smiling, but those things are our only option, aren’t they?

When I think about these few things I have said or done (so. many. more. things.), they make me laugh.  Shit, if I didn’t laugh, I would never leave the house.  Laughter has saved me.  Despite the awkward and embarrassing situations I have put myself and others in, I am so grateful for them.  In my lifetime, I have laughed more than I have cried, and have surrounded myself with people who are more than willing to laugh with me and at me.  It makes all of it so much more bearable.  And man, have I ever had fun.

My friends, my message is this.  Laugh.  Even when it hurts, laugh.  Don’t beat yourself up when you make a fool of yourself, laugh that shit off.  We’re all fools.  And, keep in mind that I am probably out there doing something even more ludicrous than you, so…its not that bad.

Laugh, you guys.  Just laugh.

And remember, the sticky side always goes down.

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84 Comments

  1. I wish wordpress had a love option…because I just love this. Man we need to hang out in real time!

    • the incurable dreamer

      Ohhh, how I would love that! One day, and I will bring the wine!! So glad you loved this, makes me so happy and means so much! Thank you. xoxo

  2. Brilliant, Tanya! I just laughed my ass off and you are such a beautiful person for giving me that gift.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, Paul! If I succeeded in making you laugh, then my job here is done. It thrills me to know that I did!

  3. ” What does 15,24 cm look like ?” is maybe the question to ask the next Subway guy Tanya. ??

    • the incurable dreamer

      HA! I will have to write that one down, Ralph. Although, pretty sure that I would still find a way to make it weird! 🙂

  4. I worship you. You are so fucking funny, i just can’t even. Seriously, have you considered doing stand up comedy, cause I love that idea; you in New york, just making everyone roar. Admission: I have never worn a tampon….they scare me…I remember looking at one for the first time and noping the fuck out of there.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Dude, I am a member of the church of Damn Girl…it is you who is worshiped. Thank you, it truly does fucking rock my world that you think I am funny. Every time I read something you wrote I think, how the hell did she come up with that?? Stand-up? I think that might go as well as ordering a sub did. haha. But, living in NYC just standing around making people laugh does sound rather enticing. I see how tampons can seem scary, and I understand noping the fuck out of it (HILARIOUS) but give it a shot…might change your life! MUAH!

  5. You are brilliant! This post is brilliant and HYSTERICAL! Laughter tears are streaming down my cheeks. I was happy to see that you had posted, but then I read your post and now my day is just so much better!!!!! You are a total gift and an absolute rock star. Thank you for what you do!!!!!!

    • the incurable dreamer

      Aww, thank you, Susan! So glad I was able to make you cry laugh today! You know, inspiration comes from those around you, and you played a big role in me getting this post written, so thank YOU for being a rock star and encouraging me the way that you do.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Susan, you are one of the reasons I managed to get this post written, so thank YOU for being a rock star and for encouraging and inspiring me the way that you have lately. Your words have stuck with me, and so often I have thought of them when I have felt uninspired. You are getting shit done and are showing me what is possible. So, all thanks go to you. I am ecstatic, though, that I was able to make you laugh cry today! Thank you, darlin. xo

      • Tanya, if I inspired you even a tiny bit, then I did something good for the world. I am spreading the word about you and your blog far and wide; everyone should be reading your stuff. I read your post again this morning to ensure that I started my day laughing and now I know it will be a good day! You are such a positive, creative and encouraging influence in my life. I am going to make sure that everyone I know gets introduced to your writing. You go places that we all kind of want to, but are terrified to go, and you do it with serious style and immense hilarity. Keep taking the world by storm lady!!! You are amazing! xoxo

        • the incurable dreamer

          Wow, Susan. Reading this comment got my day started off on the right foot. Thank you so very much. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart thank you. When I began this blog, I intended to write openly and honestly. I achieved that to a certain extent, but then I discovered other writers, like my friend Brooke (Summoning Magic: A Gypsy’s Tale) and you, I was inspired to peel back more layers and unleash. My last two posts have been two of the most honest ones, and it makes me proud that I have found the courage not to worry about what other people think, and dared to put the words on paper. So yes, you did inspire me. Thank you. I believe that the best way to captivate people is with authenticity. People want to know that they are not alone, and as writers, our job is to give them something to hold onto. Pretty cool gig if you ask me. I hope you have a fabulous day, beautiful! xoxo

  6. Becci

    Oh. My. God! Best ever! Can’t stop laughing!

    • the incurable dreamer

      I did debate writing about that one time I was almost murdered, but I thought, ‘Oh, Becs will probably be the only one to laugh!’ HA! So glad I found a way to make you laugh, anyway. My beautiful friend, oh how I love you. xoxo

  7. Sheana

    haha I actually can’t stop reading this… I should do some work…but I can’t because I just keep reading and laughing…over and over! great start to the day!

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thanks, Sheana!! Glad I was able to kick off your Friday morning with a bang!! Can you believe I am the same person you work with every day?? HAHA!

  8. Sandie Bartlett

    Thanks, thanks a lot I just about snorted coffee through my nose as I read about putting the sticky side down. By your title, I thought the post was going to be about a cinnamon bun falling sticky side down. Imagine my surprise when you were inventing a Brazilian wax job long before it was envogue.

    I love your stories. You make me laugh with you. Can’t wait to hear what you do inext.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Oh, what a surprise that must have been for you. But it’s me, you should have known better. Let’s be honest, though, not one person would have guessed an upside down pad was the story I was going to tell! Thanks for being here, Sandie, and for being in my life. I love you! xo

  9. Hilarious! May I suggest a compendium of these funnies in a future post.

    Now I want to try the sticky side up.What is wrong with me?!

    • the incurable dreamer

      HA! AMAZING! You are totally my kind of people. DON’T. DO. IT. But if you do, just don’t walk anywhere, it pulls like a real son of a bitch! I will work on a compendium of these funnies, but that sounds more like a novel…there are just so damn many of them! Thank you, so much!!

  10. CarrieAnne

    I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW! I’m gasping for air from laughing so hard. No, I haven’t necessarily done these things but I have said our done a lot of awkward stuff in my life that I am the first to make fun of (um, hugging a salesperson who spent time making sure my husband got the exact things he needed to start golfing? Awkward.). Did you see the season premiere of Modern Family where Jay tells Mitchell, “Don’t run away from embarrassment. Run toward it!” It’s obviously in a comedic situation but it made sense to me. Thanks for sharing the bright side and reminding us all to smile and laugh. ?

    • the incurable dreamer

      CarrieAnne, I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU! What Jay said to Mitchell is perfect. We really should run towards embarrassment. If we could all just laugh about stuff instead of getting upset, it would take so many stresses off our shoulders. We all do stupid things…ALL THE TIME. Big deal, right?!?! Hopefully, my post will encourage others to share their horror stories. Anything else you would like to share CarrieAnne?! Totally love that you hugged the salesperson. I’ve always suspected you are a total sweetheart, now I know for sure that you are!! Keep on being you, you are fabulous! xo

  11. I definitely laughed while reading this post, LOL! I’ve been there myself (well, not specifically the tampon situation) and I’ve gotten to the point where I’m too old to care anymore. I just say to myself, “If that’s the worse thing that’s going to happen to me today then I think I am gonna be all right.”

    • the incurable dreamer

      Your attitude is one I completely adore, Ari! How is it possible to go through life without fucking up and embarrassing yourself all over the place? It just isn’t! So, we should embrace the weird and carry on with a smile on our faces. Good to hear from you! Hope you are doing well and feeling much better! 🙂

  12. cathy blahout

    hahahahahaha omg Tanya!!!! Note to myself – DO NOT READ TANYA’S BLOG WHILE EATING LUNCH! Not only did almost choke to death, I had chewed up salad sprayed all over my computer! lol. Love you girl and your wicked sense of humour! xo

    • the incurable dreamer

      YOUR POOR COMPUTER! haha. Always proceed with caution when you read anything of mine Cathy, just saying. So glad you enjoyed a good laugh and didn’t choke to death. That would have been a real downer. HA! I love you too! XOXO

  13. I agree with CracTpot, this is so funny, but some of us have also been there, worry not. And Laugh – yes laugh,, what else can you do.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Nothing else to do Barbara, but laugh it off. Life is one hell of a ride, so it’s going to get super weird sometimes! Glad I made you laugh today, thank you!

  14. This was so damn funny. My face hurts from laughing.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, so glad you laughed! Laughing pain is the best kind of pain. Yay!! ?

  15. The first time I ever used a tampon, I didn’t notice there were instructions in the box. I stared in horror at the plastic encased cotton. I tapped the protective casing with my fingernail–click, click. “That is very rigid. How is this supposed to be comfortable?” My friends said they could barely feel them. Finally, after a solid five minutes of uncertainty and horror, I noticed a little folded up sheet of paper. “Ooohhh… okay that makes more sense.”

    You are not alone.

    • the incurable dreamer

      They are scary as hell, right? If you have never used one, it makes no sense! I trust that the instructions were sufficient for you, though, and your experience was much smoother than mine! I still can’t believe I did that. Thanks for sharing, you made me feel a whole lot better!

      • I was nineteen the first time I used a tampon, so I think the instructions combined with what I’d heard for the previous seven years as all my friends started using them helped. If I had started using them when I first started my period at twelve I probably would have had to ask my mom how to do it. XD

  16. Kim

    So much hilarity, Tanya! I think we can all relate to being incredibly stupid at times. This made me laugh so much. And when I was a teen, pads didn’t even have a sticky side! As for the tampons, my Mother in all her ‘wisdom’, handed me a tampon when I began menstruating at the age of 12!!! Who gives a 12 year old a tampon for her first ever period? But here’s the other stupid thing: I had to ask her which hole it went in! I cringe and also laugh heartily when I think about it now!! Life is full of these little gems and that’s what makes it all so fascinating. It’s also kind of good to know there are plenty of us out there making complete dicks of ourselves! Love your humour, Tanya! ??

    • the incurable dreamer

      Kim, your comment might be the best thing I have ever read! It is absurd that your mom handed you a tampon, at the age of 12 for your first period, like it’s not scary enough already. But damn, selfishly I am so glad she did because I cannot stop laughing. Which hole?? AMAZING! hahaha. You poor thing! This one is a gem for sure. Thanks for making me laugh this morning, I think I am going to be giggling about this for a long while. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone started sharing these stories openly? So, as you said, we all realize we are not alone in making dicks of ourselves!! Shit, you are funny. Thank you, Kim, for reading my post and for being so awesome! I am smiling ear to ear. xoxo

      • Kim

        Haha! I’m glad I made you laugh! I made myself laugh again too! The whole thing was really quite absurd and didn’t end with my ‘hole’ question but the rest would be too much information! Hehe. Thanks for giving us an opportunity to share our dicky-ness. I actually love your idea of gathering all these embarrassing stories. Imagine the belly laughs! I always get excited to read your posts when the prompt arrives in my inbox. Keep ’em coming, Tanya. You have a knack for funny, honest story telling.
        ??

        • the incurable dreamer

          Kim, I think you and I would be very good friends. I just love you and adore you like crazy! Thanks for being a part of this with me, you make it extra special and fun!! Dicky-ness is always welcome around here!! ?

          • Kim

            Awww! Thank you Tanya. Yes, I think we’d get along very well indeed! I love random, weird tales of people simply being human. I look forward to more dickyness stories and if you need any more tampon anecdotes let me know! Hehe…. ?

          • the incurable dreamer

            HA! You can count on it!! ?

  17. Shara

    Ok I read this and have tears streaming! I just imagine you in a sitcom! You and Mary Tyler Moore (I’m aging myself) make me laugh. I needed that my girl! I luvs ya!

    • the incurable dreamer

      Me and Mary Tyler Moore, Shara? What a compliment, I will take it! Thank you! My only regret is that I wasn’t with you to hear you laugh, yours is one of my favourites, and I sure would love to hear it! Glad I gave you a chuckle. I love you right back!!

  18. Rina

    None of what you wrote surprises me. I always knew you where a little special when you asked why the current floor had a button on the elevator. That 6″ story was a real killer though, reminded me of a joke I heard over the summer. A male and female electrician students are in wiring class and she is not pulling her wires out far enough, you are supposed to pull them out 6″ and she is only pulling them out about 2″. The male walks up to her and shows her the trick extending your thumb and pinky finger to be about 6″. She holds her thumb and index finger out and responds with “It isn’t my fault, guys have been saying this is 6″ for my entire life”

    Seriously though this is amazing, and you deserve all the praise.

    • the incurable dreamer

      HA! The poor girl, she’s been getting ripped off, I mean, if you are into that kind of thing. And shhh, that story is a secret between only a select few! But damn, not sure which question was dumber, the six inch or floor zero question. It really could go either way! And yes, special is one way to describe me. Ha! Thanks, Rina, you do have to endure me more than most, and you make it fun, so thank you!

  19. The way you are able to take these stories and make the relatable is masterful. I felt like I was there with you in that Subway…believe me guys think 6″ is a whole lot different than reality. So happy to see you put something else out here for us to read.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, B! I take that as a huge compliment coming from you. You see, inches are not a part of my life, so I suppose I should be a little more sensitive to the matter the next time I think it is a good idea to ask some random guy to show me. WHYYYYY am I such a cone head?! Made for a fun story. Whenever someone tells me there is no such thing as a stupid question, I say, oh yes there is, now let me tell you a little story… Thanks again! Feels good to be back.

  20. Di

    How awesomely relatable and funny, but still raw and thoughtful, dear Tanya!
    I agree…somethings that are just supposed to be ‘common knowledge’ I have been sadly lacking in. I used to be so hard on myself and do the very kind of things you have shared with us…
    I used to cringe hearing my mum’s words ‘…you are so vague’. But now I know it’s me, I can’t stop myself from just going off on a tangent and can now ‘unlisten’ to mum’s judgement.
    I am happy to see you have also made peace with that side of you. You know you can focus when it counts when you’re being paid to do your job…
    Great to see your new post my friend.
    Thank you for the smiles…
    ??? Di

    • the incurable dreamer

      Hi Di! My reason for sharing this post was to show that being a bit of a nitwit is just part of the journey and that instead of being hard on ourselves we should embrace the ‘dumb’ moments and laugh at ourselves. We have to. How boring would it be if everything just went according to plan all the time? What would people talk about at cocktail parties if everyone was perfect? I hope you too make peace with that side of you because as you can see, you are not alone. And trust me, you couldn’t possibly come close to matching me on the ‘whoopsie’ scale. So good to hear from you, Di. Hope you are sipping some tea and are enjoying a beautiful Sunday afternoon in London! xo

      • Di

        Hello again Tanya,
        Thank you for your lovely reply. I agree and you have done it beautifully here by normalising and giving a comedic view to our whoopsies. You’d be amazed at some of mine…
        No more shame about them though. Onwards and upwards now.

        And yes, we are ensconced here in the tea and coffee scene that has taken over all our lives…cafes rule here.
        Hope you are well and it was great to see you again.
        Take care and sending hugs to you from me ????

        • the incurable dreamer

          That makes me happy to hear, Di. Onward and upward, indeed. Life is meant to be imperfectly beautiful.

          Ohh, I am so thrilled for you that you have submerged yourself in the coffee and tea community! You are living your dream, and that makes my heart sing. Love and hugs to you!

          • Di

            You’re very kind thinking of me and my time here, you sweetie!! Thank you so much Tanya ????

  21. Oh no. I do feel your pain, Tanya, but also laughed along. These days, my husband asks me, “How in the world did you ever manage gigantic projects?” You’re right! Somehow the brain just slides sideways. I’m a frequent failure on the first try(s) of things and I do laugh it off. Sometimes as I blush hot pink. You are a riot and so fun to read. Thanks for the morning laugh! <3 <3

    • the incurable dreamer

      HA! Doesn’t it make you feel better to know that I am out there being a much bigger dipstick than you ever could be?? Tell your husband that! These are the moments that keep life fun and exciting and memorable. I don’t recommend asking what I asked in Subway, though. Just don’t. Ever. It is so good to hear from you, Diana, and you made my day by telling me I made you laugh! Hope you had a wonderful weekend! xo

  22. Anonymous

    Loved it! Love you.
    Annette

    • the incurable dreamer

      Auntie!!!! Thank you, so glad you loved it. You know first hand what a dunce I can be, but you love me anyway. Yay! Love you!

  23. oh my god, we are so going to get a sub when you visit!! 🙂 And fucking tampons! Why isn’t that whole thing ‘inserted’ into home ec class? This was effing brilliant, T. You most certainly have a gift for something we all could use so much more of, which is precisely why we all light up when your name pops up in our inbox. Keep hazarding, I beg of you. The world is so much more brilliant because you do!!

    • the incurable dreamer

      HA! Sadly, my bursts of stupid are not limited to Subway. After spending a day or two with me, you might abandon me based on pure humiliation. You have been warned…so brace yourself! Let’s face it; school let us all down. Shit, the moment I set out on my own I was already ten steps behind. I could give a fuck about trigonometry and haven’t used it once, but it would have benefited me immensely if they had taught me how to insert a tampon correctly. It means everything, Brooke, that you light up when I write a new post. Making you laugh is one of my favourite things and makes me happy beyond words… same as having you as my friend does. Don’t you worry, I am going to keep right on hazarding, it’s kinda how I roll.

  24. My sides are hurting! You’re such a kindred spirit!

  25. If I ever forget to laugh, I’ll just go back to one of your hilarious posts.

    As for tampons, I’ve been using them for as long as I can remember. They’re not so uncomfortable as many women say, you can swim when at the seaside, you don’t have to worry about underwear or what clothes to wear and so on and so forth.
    But, I’ve gotta disappoint you. Every single gynecologist frowns when tampons are mentioned and none of them recommends using them, or at least not that often. They allow bacteria to develop, leading to infections and inflammation. Every time we pull the thing out, it sheds some fiber that might later lead to infections.
    So, I try to reduce their use to a minimum, however much I adore them.

    Ok, that was quite serious and depressing, boring me. Now, I’ll have to read one of your posts again to cheer up.

    • the incurable dreamer

      To be honest, B, I was always terrified of toxic shock syndrome, so I always said a little prayer every time I inserted one. Though I knew I the tampon could kill me, I still figured it was worth the risk. Pads are just so, well, terrible. Luckily, I never have to risk it again… got no uterus now. I am telling you, not getting my period anymore is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Glad that shit is over with.

      Hope you are doing ok, I know you are having a hard time! Write that shit out…we are all here for you!! Lots of love to you! xo

      • Remember when Samantha starts freaking out cause she’s not getting her period? Does it mean you’re skipping menopause too?
        Good for you but then again I’m sorry it had to be all or nothing. Life sucks.
        As for me, I’ll be fine. All in its time. In the meantime, I’ll simply blog about it, just as you said.
        Hugs, B

  26. You always…always…always make me laugh! <3

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, beautiful! Makes me happy that I do! ❤️

  27. Oh my god, I’m dying here. I was Allah a tampon box reader – terrified of something like that happening to me ?

    Anyway just wanted to let you know I love your writing style. You’re assume!

    • the incurable dreamer

      Ha! You are lucky it didn’t happen to you. I still can’t believe what a dip shit I was, but hey, made for a good story. Just one of many, sadly. ?

      Thanks so much for the compliment, it really means a lot!! I am going to check out your blog in the morning, I am totally looking forward to it!! Thanks again! ?

  28. You’re WAY ahead of me on this one Tanya. It took Monica years to teach me that something was wrong with me (and to appreciate it).

    I don’t have an hilarious pad/tampon story to share to illustrate the point, but as I read your conversation with the sandwich artist, I flashed back to a time many years ago. I was (in my own head) a hot-shit surgeon. I had just finished spending several hours impressing my gorgeous date with my brilliance and heroism. I was wearing my “get-laid-for-sure” bomber jacket. Totally comfortable being in Romania for the first time. In fact, I suggested that my date (who was completely enamored of me, of course) teach me how to give directions to our chauffeur in Romanian.

    She whispered softly into my ear “vreau pasarica, fundul de grasime.” It sounded so sexy.

    Confidently (and way too loudly in retrospect), I repeated to the chauffeur “VREAU PASARICA, Fundul de GRASIME!”

    He yanks the car out of traffic and slams on the brakes. Turning around furious, he says something like: “I don’t care who you think you are, nobody talks to me like that!”

    My gorgeous date Monica, who, several years later would become my wife, was laughing hysterically. She said a lot of stuff I couldn’t understand in Romanian, soon he was laughing as well.

    Turns out that this woman I was convinced was already wrapped around my perfect finger had taught me my first Romanian phrase:

    “I want pussy you fat ass!”

    • the incurable dreamer

      Gabe, why do I have the feeling Monica and I would become fast and furious friends? Sooo much I love that she did that to you. HAHA! And what a thing to say. He probably thought you were some sex-crazed asshole and momentarily felt sorry for Monica! AMAZING! I think you made the right call with your “get-laid-for-sure” bomber jacket! Look at you guys know…she just couldn’t resist. Maybe I should get myself a “get-laid-for-sure” bomber jacket. Hmm…something to ponder. Have I told you lately how good it is to have you back?? Man, there is just something so comforting about seeing your name pop up here and everywhere. You make my heart sing with happiness, my friend.

  29. Yup- I’m positive u 2 will be peas and pods (and pads with sticky side down?).

    It’s amazing to be back blogging again. Pretty sure it will be a week or 2 before i get caught back up, but its a lot of fun to see what you’ve been up to!

    • the incurable dreamer

      HA! You just made me laugh out loud in public like a total spazz. Definitely sticky side down! Thanks, Gabe!

  30. Whenever I’m late to a party, and I’m wayyyy late to this one, I always make sure that everything that needs to be said has been said. Everyone above has said it all. Brilliant! check. Hilarious! check. My face hurts from laughing! yup. I spit on my work computer! that happened, too. ?

    All I can add is that I want to be the fella at the table next to yours in every restaurant you ever sit in again. I promise I will be laughing the whole time with you.

    (and a little bit at you 😉 )

    Great stuff, Tanya. And your message at the end was spot on. I could have used a little bit of laughing at myself, laughing at everything, over the weekend. It’s a lesson we sometimes have to learn over and over and over again. Thank you for teaching it to us once more. ?

    • the incurable dreamer

      This post caused a lot of spitting, which I am feeling slightly guilty about – perhaps I should have begun with a warning to not eat or drink before proceeding. HA! You might be a little late Tom, but you are here now and have made it an even better party. THANK YOU! You are more than welcome to sit beside me in a restaurant anytime, but you have been warned, it most likely will get super weird and awkward at some point!

      Life is so crazy and stressful these days, especially with the bullshit streaming out of the Whitehouse, but we can’t ever stop laughing. It is medicine for the soul and is what lifts us when we are down. And let’s face it, we are all ridiculous, so there is no point in taking ourselves so damn seriously! Glad you are feeling better Tom!

      • Thank you! And your warning is duly noted. ?

        Hey, since you mentioned the White House, I think I’ll leave this shameless plug for my latest post, written about the man in the WH who is (sickenly) celebrating his one year anniversary today of stealing the presidency. 😉

        Never forget!

        http://www.tombeingtom.com/donald-trump/

        • the incurable dreamer

          Excellent! Thank you, Tom, I am off to read it now! 😃

  31. Tanya, you have me laughing at this…I’m picturing you in subway and squirming at you getting the sticky side the WRONG way up – ouch!! How did you survive?😃😀 I agree, laughter is the only way to go sometimes…obviously all your concentration goes to your work and there is nothing left some days! I’ve been there…so many times. Asked the most insane stupid questions in shops, arriving at work in mismatched shoes…on and on. Luckily fewer such events nowadays…or have I spoken too soon!! Great stories to relate and share with us! Good luck getting that sandwich. xx

    • the incurable dreamer

      Ha! Thanks, Annika! Aren’t all these ridiculous things that we do what keep life interesting?! I am happy to share my most ridiculous stories if it helps even one person feel better about themselves and know that they are not alone when it comes to being a nitwit in public. We are all in this together and messing up together, so laugh we must! It was so good to hear from you! I hope you are doing well! xo

  32. So entertaining 😆 and I agree, laugh, but don’t beat yourself up over anything

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you so much. And. exactly!!! Glad you feel the same way. We take ourselves way too damn seriously. Like, lighten the hell up people! Thanks for the comment!

  33. And slowly that belief in ourselves allows this world to fall away Tanya, and become our truth 😀

    • the incurable dreamer

      Indeed. I couldn’t have said it any better, Mark, thank you! 😊

  34. Those violating pads & tampons especially when you’re perimenopausal…I talk too my vaginal region quite awful…lol

okay, get it off your chest!

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