the incurable dreamer

my dreams are my disease, chasing them my only option

un-shaggable but hopeful

So, 2017 was a mixed bag for me.  Appropriately, I spent the last month of it hiding away in the shadows.  My situation was dire.  I mean, when I cried ordering a coffee from my barista at 5 am for the third day in a row, I acknowledged that there was considerable room for improvement in ‘dealing’ and that a ban was forthcoming if I didn’t stop making coffee super weird.  Yeah, I have been a bit of an undisciplined dumpster fire of emotions lately.  And the lit celebration this holiday season only seemed to amplify the palpable ache in my heart – one unyielding even to the strongest of wills – and it sunk me to familiar depths and rendered me defenseless to unrelenting despair.

When I reflect on everything that has happened this past year and attempt to make sense of it all, some of it doesn’t seem real, seems like a lifetime ago, or like it happened to someone else.  But it happened.  All of it.  To me.

But today, as I inhale the breath of a brand new year, I understand the meaning of it all.  Sunk deep in the dark were teaching moments and lessons that I needed to learn – and learn them I did.  Each time I stepped out from the shadows my world was ablaze with light so extraordinary it forever changed me.

So, for absolutely all of it, I am infinitely grateful.

The first half of the year was torture, and my resolve was put to the test.  My body broke down and with it, my spirit.  The pain of the heart is the most ruthless kind, but the pain I endured throughout my body, challenged that which occupied my heart.  Somehow I found a way and refused to let it take me down.  I don’t know how, but I did.

More people saw my vagina this year than I can count, and out of it, I didn’t even get one phone number or a single date.  The silver lining though is that when I went to the doctor on Friday to discuss the stress rash that is mercilessly gnawing away at the flesh on my arms and legs and that has virtually left me un-shaggable, he asked me if I wanted a gown, and I was like, HELL NO, and just whipped down my pants and threw my leg in his face for him to examine.  I am unquestionably more comfortable in my skin than I was 12 months ago.  That’s a totally cool thing, right?  For those of you who might be new here and are wondering how you unknowingly started following the blog of a whore, at ease, I had a hysterectomy, that’s all.  If you ever have one of those, get used to eyeballs all up in your biz.

My friend anxiety stopped by uninvited several times this year, in fact, she is here now, but I have learned that to rid myself of her I have to trust my gut and listen to my heart.  The only expectations I need to meet are my own.  An incredibly difficult thing to learn, but I believe that I have.

The streets of my beloved New York City captivated my imagination and soul and helped me find my way back to what was lost.

Throughout my pet sitting adventures this past year, I discovered paradise, tranquillity, unconditional love, where I would never want to live, and that I am fucking terrified of the dark.  Oh, and that I have a really bad habit of opening the door to strangers because I am a complete idiot who will never learn until I actually have to reactively grab the cats by their tails and make a run for the hills while the unappreciative little assholes sink their claws through 3 layers of my skin because they have no idea that a hatchet-wielding maniac is chasing us because he wants to cut off all of our ears and that I am merely just trying to save their lives and mine BECAUSE I OPENED THE GODDAMN DOOR.  Sigh.  I am a hands-on learner, apparently.

I ate Brussels sprouts this year willingly, not once but twice, and may have even liked them.  I am still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Humour led me to the entertaining world of Damn Girl Get Your Shit Together. There I was blessed with the unexpected gift of friendship.  Her wit, dedication, and passion for succeeding and helping so many along the way have inspired me to keep reaching for the stars.  For your belief in me, my very own button, always making me laugh, your trust, and the gift of your friendship, Tiara, thank you. damngirlgetyourshittogether.com

My path blessedly crossed in real life with the one and only desert curmudgeon, whose intelligence, heart, and perspective always leaves me speechless and in awe.  To meet the man behind the genius was indeed an honour.  For your support, that incredibly beautiful brain of yours, always encouraging me, inspiring me to write, your incredible kindness, and treasured friendship, Paul, thank you. spookyactionatadistance.blog

The universe introduced me to the power of magic and the beauty of connection.  My soul was touched by a gypsy who has become a friend for the ages.  She has taught me that the things I tell myself matter and that under no circumstance should I ever tend to my heart and soul with anything less than kindness.  Her strength and courage to keep fighting and move forward have inspired me and countless others.  She has instilled in me a whole new belief and dialogue and reminded me that I have the wings I need to not only fly but soar.  For losing your phone that one time, your honesty, humour, constant understanding, support, the light that you bring to my life, and for allowing me to be a part of your world as your friend, Brooke, thank you. summoningmagic.com

When I began this blog, just over a year ago, I was naïve.  My thoughts were that this space would help me to become a better writer and that maybe a few people would read the things I write.  But as it turns out, this blog was the key to the magic kingdom, and it has profoundly changed my life.  Here I have found a community rife with like-minded people, bloggers who wear their hearts on their sleeves and who support each other through thick and thin without question.  For being here and lifting me even though I have been absent from you, from the bottom of my heart, you guys, thank you.  Thank you so very much.  Each of you has given me strength when I have needed it and inspired me to keep writing the words that I write and to be nothing less than my authentic-self.  You have no idea what it means to me, or maybe you do.  I hope that you do.

To all of you who dare to visit me here and who take the time to comment and support me, thank you just doesn’t seem like nearly enough.  My dream is to be a writer.  Well, what you all remind me is that I already am and that my words mean something; that in turn means the world to me.  When I feel alone, you remind me that I’m not.  When I want to give up, you refuse to let me.  And when I wonder if there is something wrong with me, you remind me that there is so much beauty to be found in broken.  From the deepest depths of my soul – to all of you – thank you.

My wish for all of you this year is health, happiness, and blah blah blah, yeah, I wish you all of those things.

But what I really wish is that you are okay.  That you know your worth.  That when everything inside of you is telling you to quit, to give up, and surrender to what seems impossible, you find the strength to keep fighting, and that you remember all of the things worth fighting for.  That your soul ignites and you feel what it means to be truly alive.  That you feel the warmth of the sun.  That you remember you are not alone.  That you feel loved.  That you love with all of your might, and even when it hurts so badly, you find the beauty within that pain, because if you let it, it will change you.  And that you feel the kind of happy that makes your heart sing.  So very much, I want you to feel all of those things.

With all of my heart, I wish each of you the most extraordinary year of your life.

I might be un-shaggable right now, but I have never felt more hopeful and confident that my fingers will soon touch the stars.

Now, let’s go and make 2018 our bitch, you guys.

xo

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a storm so perfect

64 Comments

  1. Becci

    Beautiful! May 2018 be a magical year for you! X

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, my beautiful friend, I know it is going to be and for you as well! xo

  2. Kim

    Another wonderful post, Tanya. There are many layers here in your words; so much depth. It has inspired me to grab a notebook and write down my thoughts on the year just passed. Yes, you are already a writer and a good one (is a book still on the cards? No pressure…..😉) as indicated by the number of followers who clap their hands with glee when your newest post appears in their inbox. May 2018 be the year your fingers touch the stars and may it also be the year you discover what the *duck is going on with those Brussel sprouts!
    (auto correct or a misplaced finger wrote ‘duck’ instead of ‘fuck’ but I kind of liked the fowl analogy so decided to keep it.) Happy New Year, Tanya! 💜

    • the incurable dreamer

      Kim, you know just how to touch my heart and make me laugh. Thank you for being here and encouraging me the way you always do. You are so lovely, and every time I see your name, I can’t help but smile. What a year it has been, but I have come out the other side enlightened and full of purpose. To know that I have encouraged you to write your thoughts down makes me so proud and happy – I really hope that you do. I know you have a lot going on in your world, and I wish so much for you that the year ahead is full of magic and light for you. If I manage to figure out what the ‘duck’ is going on with Brussels sprouts, you will be the first to know!! Lots of love and hugs to you! Happy New Year! xo

  3. Kim

    Uh-oh! My lengthy comment seems to have disappeared. Is it floating around somewhere out there in the ether, Tanya? If it doesn’t appear then I will write and send it again. 😊

    • the incurable dreamer

      Kim!! I saved you from spam, where you had been banished to for the fowl analogy! You are the sweetest. I will say more tomorrow, but I am laying my head down now to sleep because I can’t stop scratching!! 😩

      • Kim

        Thanks Tanya. I re-wrote my comment before receiving yours so feel free to delete the double-up. x

  4. “My dream is to be a writer.” No need to dream, you ARE a writer Tanya ! Loved this post ! Happy New Year my friend. Ralph xx ✒💝️

    • the incurable dreamer

      Ralph, you are the sweetest and your comment means so much to me – thank you! So happy that you loved it. Happy New Year to you, as well. All the best in 2018!! Lots of love and hugs! xo

  5. jono51

    Ralph is right, you ARE a writer. While our struggles are our own they are also universal. If we survive we are stronger for it. You are also right that there is acommunity of people who care for each other whether they meet or not. I am glad you are part of this universe and that youu are still here. Things only get better now.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, J, appreciate you saying that and agreeing with Ralph! There is no doubt that struggle leads to strength. This community is one that I treasure, and I am so blessed to be a part of it. I too am glad you are a part of this universe and appreciate you so much for choosing to be a part of my world. Things are about to get good, I can feel it. Happy New Year to you!!

  6. Happy New Year, Tanya! Thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. But I think the best, most effective inspiration is always a two-way street. Your strength, honesty, perseverance and genuine wit and compassion have become something I hold up as a model for myself. When I first stumbled upon your blog, I thought I had discovered a very funny and entertaining writer. In less than a year, that funny and entertaining writer has become a cherished friend and a veritable guru in the art of being fully, unabashedly oneself at all times. I understand these year-end/year-commencement blues, but I also know that it usually presages a time of joy and renewed focus. It has nothing to do with the date, of course, but as awful as it is to be stuck in a low, it’s also an ebb that will be invariably followed by a flow of wisdom and creativity. Mark my words. I wish you all the happiness and adventure and wonder that you deserve, Tanya.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Happy New Year, Paul! You are so right, after all of this shit I have a renewed focus and know my purpose and that is a very compelling and exhilarating feeling. I believe that every experience good or bad is meant to teach us something and this year I have been an exemplary student because oh how I have learned. And wow, the gifts that have been bestowed upon me are extraordinary indeed. Somehow in this infinite world of words, our paths crossed and I am just so grateful that they did. You have been with me since the beginning and have become someone who I not only respect and admire but also love and hold dear in my world. To know that my words have affected you means everything, and it encourages me to keep going. For everything Paul, thank you so much.

  7. Tanya, more than any other writer I know, you surrender yourself so courageously and completely to your truth. You don’t hide behind your words; you are entangled with them in beauty, humor, grief, sorrow and hopefulness. Your writing is generous and brave and kind. Like so many, I was instantly won over by you and your writing. You make me want to be a better writer. I know this year is going to be amazing. With love and gratitude, s.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Susan, for all of this, thank you so much. That you have found inspiration and truth in my words feeds my soul and encourages me to keep writing as I do. Frankly, it’s the only way I know how to write, so the fact that you receive my words with such appreciation means absolutely everything. What a beautiful place it is here, in blog land. Your encouragement and support truly do mean so very much to me. For being here, thank you, and please know how incredibly blessed and grateful I feel that you are. Happy New Year, Susan!! I hope that your year ahead is full of bountiful blessings and love. xo

  8. Raaawwwww! Tanya! Thank you so much for your friendship, your support, your kind words. You have so much talent and heart…and vagina. So much vagina. I too am a habitual door opener and brussel sprout eater, those things have really improved since I was a kid lol.So short story time; I had an ovarian cyst burst on Valentines day and managed to call an ambulance before I fainted. 6 firefighters broke my door in, found me screaming on the floor, flipped me onto their stretcher thing, tiny robe completely flung open, and NOT ONE of them sent me a valentine. Smh. Happy New Year beautiful!

    • the incurable dreamer

      Dude. Umm, why have you not written a blog post about this experience?! HA! Actually, never mind, this is perfect. If I had been eating a brussels sprout when I read this, I would have choked on it, and I and my vagina would be dead. Thank you for making me adore you even more, not sure how that is even possible because my admiration and love for you are off the charts, but somehow you always seem to squeeze even more out of this heart of mine. Looking forward to seeing where 2018 takes you! I hope that I can keep up!

  9. Hey, Tanya. It is really nice to see something from you show up in my email notification. Now if only I could you in my reader.

    BTW…let me make one thing PERFECTLY clear. You are 100% shaggable. No debate. No denial!!! I know I’m not your type, but that does not matter as to your shaggability. In fact, you are freaking shaggalicious. Nuff said???

    You have had a twisting road this year, but you are still here. You have hit pot-holes and plowed through roadblock, but you made it to and through another intersection. Also, you don’t need to “become” a writer. You ARE a writer. So define what you want to accomplish WITH your writings, if you must, but know that you are already there as to being a writer.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Reader hates me apparently, and I have received numerous reports that people can’t see my blog or comment when they do manage to find it. I am going to try and get to the bottom of it. Thank you for finding me somehow, I appreciate it!

      Thank you for deeming me 100% shaggable. HA! I beg to differ, but I suppose that is what paper bags are for! I am not beating myself up, this rash is grisly, and I am looking forward to scratch-free days once again. Insanity has been knocking on my door, but I have managed to hold on and not cross over!! But, if it goes on much longer, I can’t guarantee I will have the strength to fend it off.

      For all of the support you have given me this year, Wulf, thank you so much. I hope you know that I appreciate every word and always take them to heart. I am still here, and you are a part of the reason I am. Wishing you great things and only happy in 2018!! You deserve only that! Big hug to you!

      • I stand behind my shaggability analysis. I have years of dedicated research to support my findings. 😎

        I think you DO have the strength. I’ve read things that have shown me that you have a depth you don’t see. Remember that there is a light down there that will NOT be snuffed. I see it. Other’s see it. Sometimes you just need to back up and take a couple breaths before you start off again.

        Knowing that my support has provided any assistance is truly thanks enough. And I do know it is appreciated. Hell, you let me tell you that you are shaggalicious and don’t get offended. 😁Remember what my my favorite band says…”The point of a journey is not to arrive.”

        • the incurable dreamer

          Ha! Well, then I trust your findings. Thank you again, for these words and all the others. I do know that I am strong. I really do. My soul is a complicated place, but at the core of it all is love for this beautiful life and all that is has to offer. I feel so deeply, and sometimes it hurts, but I appreciate every single moment, and love the absolute hell out of this journey!! Thanks for being a part of it!

          • And if you haven’t taken stock…please scan all these comments…you are loved as deeply as you love.

  10. Jamie

    Love it!!!

  11. I don’t think it was all the doctors seeing my vagina for my hysterectomy that “freed” my modesty when I had to have a hysterectomy at 28, I think it was more the little old lady with “pop bottle glasses” poking around down there showing me how to “self cath” because my bladder developed a mind of its own (peeing when it wanted to with no notice, even though I THOUGHT I had peed just two minutes before) but that’s a whole different story. I jumped on that point first because I have entirely no self confidence, yet people don’t believe that because I no longer have modesty. In addition to no physical modesty, I thought I had begun to lose “mental modesty” as well, since I blurt things out unfiltered all the time, but as I read your posts, I feel like you are saying all the things in my mind that I mean to say when I say, “I’m FINE” or yah fuck it or whatever. You allow yourself to feel and say the things that torment my mind, that when I try to put into words it comes out as ……… well it doesn’t. You are an incredible writer, and I am SO glad to have met you. For me the tears have appeared so many times while purchasing cigarettes, that I am waiting for “the white coats” to grab me the next time I go.

    • the incurable dreamer

      The feeling is so very mutual. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon your blog because your brain is so similar to mine and I thoroughly enjoy reading your thoughts!! You are also hilarious, and oh how love to laugh! It does make me feel a whole lot better to know that I am not the only one who cries in the most inconvenient places. Honestly, I barely even care anymore. If I need to cry, I just cry. Fuck the lot of them if they can’t deal with genuine emotion, right?? Isn’t it crazy when you have a hysterectomy how you end being sort of like a sideshow at a circus? Man, I had all kinds of people down there, but luckily I dodged having to ‘self-cath.’ You poor thing! What I ended up with after mine was unfathomable ass pain, for fucking months!! I still don’t know what the hell that was about, but I don’t recommend it to anyone. I couldn’t sit, shit, or breathe without feeling like I was getting stabbed with a machete. Ugh. Anyway, thank you for being here, for leaving this wonderful comment and for being you. Keep speaking your truth; it is the only way to live. I adore you! Happy New Year!! Lots and lots of love to you! xo

  12. Ooooooh this is good stuff. Such gooooood stuff. I laughed…I teared up…I feel inspired and hopeful and loved. Tanya, you rocked this.
    Thank you (!!!!!) for writing this. <3

    • the incurable dreamer

      Aww, Nikki, you really know how to make a girl feel good!!! Thank you, beautiful! I am so thrilled that this touched you the way that it did, and that it inspired you as well – means a hell of a lot! I think you are such a special soul! ❤️

  13. You’ve got yourself a deal, Tanya! 2018 will be our bitch, and it will know that we have walked upon it with grace and understanding, but firmness and no fear. We will overcome what ails us, ascend from the shadows, and pull together as a knowing community, eager to grow and prosper together.

    We will also stop opening the door to strangers because we like our ears.

    And become visible to our readers.

    Happiest of fresh beginnings in this new year, my friend… may all your dreams come true so quickly that you’ll have to haphazardly invent new ones. 😉

    • the incurable dreamer

      You know what Tom, THAT is exactly what we are going to do, together. Sounds like a great way to take on 2018, so I am totally in!!! I can’t promise that I will quit opening the door to strangers though because I am an absolute knob in this department, but I am really going to think about it first and make sure that I have an exit strategy before I do! Baby steps. And I am going to do my best to be more present here because this beautiful world feeds my soul. I am looking forward to following along on your journey this year, Tom, and can’t wait to see what is in store. My biggest dream is going to come true this year, I know it, so just maybe I will have to come up with some new ones. I am as you know, incurable.

  14. cathy blahout

    May 2018 be your year Tanya! You are an amazing person. Love ya xo

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, Cathy! I have a feeling it is going to be. No, I know it is going to be. Happy New Year to you and Martin. Love you! xo

  15. Wish you very happy new year Tanya…..

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, Priya! Happy New Year to you as well!

  16. Well, once again, you had me laughing out loud with tears streaming down my face. That is your gift. You have the rare talent of making us feel the full spectrum of emotions with the power of your words.
    Yes, it has indeed been a hell of a year. Your capacity to maintain your humor and positive perspective, your ability to extract the beauty and lessons learned in such a positive light, and your unbelievably kind, generous soul is something that inspires all of us.
    Clearly I am not the only one who feels this way. You have acquired a vast and loyal community because of all of the above.
    As for me- you have made my life infinitely brighter and shown me friendship like I have never experienced.
    So thank you, for all the gifts you have given me and for blessing us all with your words, heart, fierce determination and beautiful soul.
    Promise to never stop writing and NEVER stop dreaming.

    • the incurable dreamer

      There are certain moments in life that you always remember. Like, where you were when, you know, those kinds of moments. Well, lying in my hospital bed hopped up on morphine is where I was when I first saw your name pop up on my blog. I was cross-eyed and possibly drooling at the time, but I had enough clarity to realize that there was something special in the words you wrote – they touched me, deeply. I remember thinking, don’t forget (because I was super fucking high) to write her back. Thank god, I didn’t forget and thank god somehow you found your way to my blog. I shudder at the thought of never having crossed paths with you. Your friendship has changed my life, and that is, in fact, an understatement. There has been a shift in my soul, restoration of my vision, and a profound understanding instilled in me that I need to treat myself as I do others because so many blessings will come my way if I do. You have empowered me in a way I could never have foreseen. For all of those things and so much more, my gratitude and thanks are immeasurable. You are a blessing on this earth and an extraordinary light to those around you. Never forget that. Thank you for being you – amazing beautiful you – and for inspiring all of us. Promise me you will NEVER quit being awesome…because you are. And please know…my friendship is yours for a lifetime.

  17. That DamnGirl brought me here 😉 And so glad of the timing. Been in a pit today, but reading this has touched my heart and brought some perspective. Life is sweet and sour, it’s good to be reminded that everyone’s life is like that. If we can help each other keep on keeping on, the sweet is all the sweeter and the sour not so eye-watering. Talking of eye-watering, thankyou for crying whilst ordering coffee. I embarrass myself on a daily basis by crying at inappropriate times, relieved that I’m not alone in that 😉 Looking forward to reading some more of your blog.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Damn girl is a bit of a match-maker that way. Ha! So happy that she led you to my blog, and that my post touched your heart on a day you really needed something to grab hold of. Life is indeed sweet and sour, and you know, thank goodness it is. How would we grow and learn if it was perfect all of the time? We are all in this shit-storm together, and yes, we need to help each other keep on keeping on. Love this so much. We gain so much by lifting each other and helping one another succeed. Your comment brought an enormous smile to my face and encouraged me to keep on keeping on. Thank you so much! And thank you also for crying in public, it truly does make me feel so much better. I honestly have no control anymore; I just let ‘er rip all over the place. Ha! Looking forward to checking out your blog and being a part of your journey! Happy New Year to you! Big hug!

  18. Beautiful post, as always, Tanya. You always write from the heart, and I’m often let in tears by your raw honesty, humor, tenderness, and incredible strength and resilience. (My husband is giving me that “now why are you crying” look. Lol). I know your new year will be filled with happiness, good health and all the blah blah blah. And… yes, you are already a writer. You have the gift. Wishing you all the sweetness of life, my friend. <3 Love and hugs. <3

    • the incurable dreamer

      Aww, Diana. It makes my heart sing knowing that my words have that affect on you. It also makes me laugh imagining your husband giving you a look. HA! Thank you for being here, your presence truly does give me with strength and infect me with motivation and purpose. Someone of your extraordinary talent, telling me that I am a writer makes me believe I can really do this. For that and so much more, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I hope that each day of yours in 2018 is full of magic and love. Lots of love and a massive hug from me to you! xo

  19. Tanya, I’m late to the party (again), and it looks like I’ve missed a good one.

    Your near tragic mishap (completely not your fault?) at the “cabin in the woods” still makes me laugh, as does my newfound appreciation for the proper application of pads (sticky side out – got it).

    And even when you weren’t triggering the kind of laughs that only genuine life stuff can inspire, you brought us with you to the depths. Places many of us HATE to go, but are all to familiar with. Yet, you always close each post by uplifting us, even when we can tell it takes everything you’ve got to drag yourself to your barista for another caffeine-fueled day.

    While your unwelcome companion is busy dragging you down right now, you’ve shown us through a resiliency that is impossible to imitate (not for lack of trying) – you’ve shown us that you’re nowhere near the finish line. There are still way to many dreams to bring to fruition.

    And of course, I’m sure you’ll be shaggalicious again in no time.

    Cheers my wonderful friend!

    • the incurable dreamer

      Gabe, I utterly adore you, words can’t even express how much so. You hold the honour of being my first follower, so yeah, you have been here since the beginning and have been in the trenches and the woods (TOTALLY MY FAULT) with me. You have endured it all and been here to offer support, encouragement, humour, and perspective. For that, I am forever indebted to you, and so very grateful.

      Your honesty and bravery in sharing your story about Eddie and your struggles with him gave me the strength I needed to share my own. Let’s call her ‘asshole’ because that is what she is. Asshole has been a constant in my life, and whenever I think I have sent her packing and have seen her for the last time, she shows up so unexpectedly, and at the most inopportune times, it leaves me reeling and struggling to hold on. I hate her, I do. But, it would also be remiss of me not to appreciate her, because, in truth, she has helped shape me. Without her, I am not sure I would understand true beauty. But I do. Oh, how I do. Life is beautiful, even in the dark.

      Please know what an extraordinary human being you are and how deeply you have touched me. My wish, as you know, is that we will one day share a glass of wine together while you teach me ‘fart’ in as many languages as possible! I will be bringing with me a notepad and pen, so polish up your farts, would ya?! It will be a dream come true, and I look so forward to that moment!

      Happy New Year, my friend. I hope that your year ahead is full of bountiful blessings, hikes, and oodles and oodles of love. Thank you for being here and for being my friend. And remember, the sticky side always goes down! xo

      • Even if I forget which side goes where, I’ll be sure to stick with you. (looks like I’m getting my cheesy puns in early this year).

        • the incurable dreamer

          Ha! You are such a nerd. Love it. And you better, cause I am sticking with you!!

  20. What can I say after all these beautiful comments except I’m late AGAIN. Reader hates you for sure. Ok, at least I showed up for the after party so if there’s some booze left, I’d really like to share it with me. Now that everybody’s gone, we can laugh off the conclusion that was one bad year and that life sucks. With all these wonderful people we’ve surrounded ourselves with, 2018 can’t be bad. So, let’s work on it together. Promise?

    • the incurable dreamer

      There is plenty of booze left over, and I am more than happy to share it with you while we plot out our upcoming awesomeness for 2018!!! Yeah, I promise.
      Let’s work on it together and get this shit sorted, cause life is just way too short, and I want to live the absolute hell out of it this year, goddamnit! You in? Happy New Year, gorgeous! I don’t care that you were late, I am just glad that you are here! xoxo

        • the incurable dreamer

          Hey…can you see my posts in Reader now? I think they fixed it!!

          • Nope. Sorry. Let’s wait for the next one to see what happens.
            You know what else is strange? I can’t send you a message from my blog; I have to come to yours.

          • the incurable dreamer

            So messed up! Why the hell does WordPress hate me so much? Thanks for checking, doll. I did click on Reader and for the first time see the posts I have written- I think we might be getting somewhere! Thanks again for checking, appreciate it very much!

  21. Yes, I dare to be here and read you…

    • the incurable dreamer

      You are a brave man, George! Thanks for daring, it’s nice to have you here! 🙂

  22. So much to love here, but most of all that you trust your gut. On that basis alone, I know you’ll be OK. Here’s to this wonderful community and kicking the tires on 2018.

    • the incurable dreamer

      Aww, thank you so much, I appreciate you saying that. What an amazing community this is – I am so very grateful you are a part of it!! Happy New Year, beautiful! xo

  23. I can’t wait to read more of your story!Thank you for clarifying the vagina story, as this is the first post I read and I was thinking…. I really need to go back through previous posts and find out the scoop on that! And I still will! Lots of folks I love have anxiety, and there is nothing to say that can make it any easier or better – but it sounds like you are doing you the best you can, and there is nothing more to ask for! Happy new year! I look forward to building a friendship with you too!

    • the incurable dreamer

      HA! Well, I am so glad that I added some extra details about my vagina. Otherwise, it might have been an incredibly confusing post! Your blog is fantastic, and I am so glad we found each other. I very much am looking forward to following you and reading about all of your upcoming adventures this year and building a friendship with you. Let’s make this year a great one!!! xo

  24. “More people saw my vagina this year than I can count, and out of it, I didn’t even get one phone number or a single date.” OK, this made me literally LOL! You are a trip girl!

    I’m glad you started your blog because I enjoy reading your writing. We both fight some of the same demons so it’s nice to know your not alone. I also want to thank you for all the great comments you leave on my little slice of the blogosphere. I hope your friend has fewer visits in 2018.

    • the incurable dreamer

      HA! I just call it like I see it, Ari. What the fuck is the point of doing anything less than that? You know what I am saying, cause you do the same! Thank you for all your comments and for being here to ride out this crazy fucking beautiful storm of life with me, it really does mean so much! This year I plan to be more present and stop missing good stuff on your blog. So yeah, getting my shit together, at least trying. Together you and I will forge through the darkness and come out swinging on the other side. We can do this -!: it’s going to be one hell of a great year! Big hug, my friend!

  25. Hi Tanya, I love your blog. Check out my blog tomorrow. I’m nominating you for the Liebster award. Woo hoo! http://www.onthewaytothebarre.com/

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you, Sarah! I am ecstatic that you enjoy the absurdity of my brain and heart, and I very much appreciate you nominating me. You are a doll! I will go and check out your latest posts. I know I have been failing miserably lately keeping up with everyone, but I plan to do a much better job of that this year. Happy New Year to you!

  26. I have to say, this was an incredible post!! I loved reading your story and I can relate to you so much! Blogging is so amazing because we are able to connect with so many that we would not have had the privilege of knowing otherwise. I am looking forward to reading more of your journey! I can not wait to read more of your posts because you are so passionate and real!!! I hope you have a great weekend!!!

    • the incurable dreamer

      Thank you so much, Alyssa! I am so glad you connected with the words I wrote and the absurdity of my life – weird has a way of finding me. My thoughts are always to keep it real even if it might make people uncomfortable because the best only way to reach people and make an impact is with the truth. Hence, openly discussing my vagina! I am so delighted that you found your way here and took the time to tell me that you were! xo

okay, get it off your chest!

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